


"Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc"

by underscorepidge



Category: Black Veil Brides, Palaye Royale (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Addams Family Fusion, Gomez!Remington, Grandmama!Stephanie, Lurch!Jinxx, M/M, Morticia!Andy, Pugsley!Sebastian, Wednesday!Emerson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-07-18 17:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16123742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underscorepidge/pseuds/underscorepidge
Summary: The matriarch is a man of fencing and fine cigars, pinstripe suits and a penchant for mayhem. His husband, a beautiful yet dark entity fond of snipping the roses off the thorns and darker magic practices. Their children, adorable menaces that prefer the fine art of the guillotine execution. An old crone who might as well be as old as dirt. A most undead butler, groans and moans his terms of service. Thing, the hand that scuttles around the house. Eldritch abominations, housed in a rickety mansion upon the highest hill. Delightful explosions, cult shenanigans, reunions of relatives both in flesh and in decay.And you thought YOUR family was weird.(A shameless Addams Family au, in a series of one-shots.)





	1. Hush, Hush

**Author's Note:**

> It's never too early to celebrate your favorite holiday-
> 
> if this is any example to go by! You can request away, do as you please! and do enjoy this inevitable disaster.

The Kropp family had always been an anomaly to their cookie-cutter neighbors, the talk of grocery store visits, playground nonsense and dad laughs around the grill. a force in black and a permanent storm cloud overhead, horror stories of raising the dead and tortured screams throughout the cold winter nights (the raising dead stories were true, the screams were usually from Andy in the throes of passion, not as fanciful as what children chattered about.) whenever they stepped out of a house the seemed to be as old as Grandmama and into the world beyond the thick film of fog, it seemed that everyone's eyes trained like magnets to their inky persona. from Emerson's beheaded Marie Antoinette doll to the stick of dynamite Sebastian always had on hand and even to how Andy was seemingly bathed in shadows, everything about the family just wailed something unnatural and freakish. and by god did they revel in that fact, always in a world all their own. maybe they'd be the topic of Sandra's Tuesday afternoon lemonade and cookies with Molly and Amy, or Jerry, Duke and Michael's sit and sports match on Sunday night, but they hardly payed attention to that as it was. lest be said for the tombstones that appeared in the yard every other week. it was all hush-hush.


	2. 'Tis The Season!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The holidays fall upon the Kropp clan. Snow is falling, families gather to spend time and enjoy the capitalist cash grab known as Christmas, and the tree in the town square is on fire. Business as usual!

Snow blanketed the sidewalks and fenced yards, a peaceful white trampled by children at home when the winds chilled their bones, and shoppers scrambling for last minute deals.

The family gravestones were covered in a thick and icy layer, names whispered behind backs even as time as passed by so much, skeletons in the ground.

Rosy cheeks and cold noses, bodies huddling for warmth, smog in the cloudy grey sky.

Andy smiled, delicate hands clasped in fine leather, a swirling vision in black.

His husband was not far after, chasing after their kids.

Emerson was much like his maman, pale as the dead and just as cold, eyes like ice.

Sebastian, on the other hand, took after their papa, with a penchant for mayhem and a destruction streak a mile wide.

Together, they made for an imperfectly perfect clan of weirdos, up on the tallest hill and house.

Remington brought his beloved's hand to his lips, a delicate kiss upon each knuckle, a gaze so loving it almost hurt.

Their hearse waited at sidewalk corner, almost full to burst with gifts.

They were like shadows that dampened the spirits of those "normal" folk, a little world all their own.

Husbands murmured compliments over tightly clasped hands, lips brushing once again.

Lost in their own little world were they, long enough to not notice the sounds of chaos and mayhem unfolding around them.

The smell of gasoline filled their noses, and they turned to look, and what a sight it was!

The tree in the town square, all 12 feet of meaningless baubles, tinsel and ornaments, was lit aflame, a brilliant symphony of reds, yellows and oranges.

And in the center of the chaos stood their children, holding a gasoline can (Emerson) and a book of matches (Sebastian), respectively.

Jinxx groaned from his spot in the drivers seat as Andy laughed, deep and hollow. Remington clapped and whistled, a glitter of mischief to his hazel gaze.

"Come along, you two. Mama is at home waiting for us."

Andy swept his little belladonna into his arms, watching with warm eyes and a knowing tilt of the lips as Remington excitedly chattered away with their eldest child, the prospect of more destructive fun on the horizon.

The hearse creaked and groaned back up the hill as the town square was still full of panic and fret.

They have not much time left. 

After all, they had to stay up to catch Santa!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy early Christmas! And if you don't celebrate it, have a safe and happy holidays!
> 
> I'm sorry that I've been inconsistent with uploading anything here, school is actual hell. I'm uploading this early because I have finals before break, so I need to kick myself into gear and try and make it out alive. My health and wellbeing is also kinda wack af so there's that. 
> 
> I'm rambling, but regardless...  
> I do hope you enjoy reading my little mess of a fic! Give kudos if you want, knowing you're taking time to read this story makes my day.


	3. How I Met Your Father (Unfortunately, it was not at a funeral), Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the early morning winds of their thirteenth anniversary, Andy and Remington tell their children the story of how they met.

Wind rattled the windows, shook the trees, danced among the gravestones. Pale moonlight hung over the house, home and clock. The hands moved slowly, fire flickering in parlor, before hitting twelve. The bell rang heavy in bones, as hand was brought to lips, pale in contrast to tan. Hazel gazed into blue, adoration in crazed eyes. Their lips brushed, sweetly, before black and wine red melded together, dancing a grand waltz.

"Unhappy anniversary, cara mia." Remington said, passion like sparks to a flame.  
"Our thirteenth year, mon sauvage. Extra lucky, according to your brother." Andy purred back, hands around his waist, leaning down once more. His lips were red like life, rich and full.

The sound of feet against the floor drew their attention away from each other, as their children appeared, rubbing sleep from tired eyes. Marie Antoinette was in Emerson's arms, nightgown brushing knobby little knees. Sebastian yawned quietly, hair every which way, as though he had been through the electric chair. There was a pungent smell of something burning in the air. Perhaps he was, before they were where they were now. Sleep had not washed over them yet, it seems.

"Maman, how did you and father meet?" Emerson's voice was soft, a hand coming to grip coattails. Sebastian nodded, his signature stick of dynamite held in a slack grip. Andy grinned softly, sweeping his little belladonna off his feet, into a waiting hold. Remington had picked up Sebastian, walking to sit in one of the ever-present high-backed chairs, dark as night and worn with good age. They followed not long after, Andy setting his son down on his lap, headless doll propped up, as though she was listening as well. Their children snuggled into their sides, hungry for knowledge.

"As I am sure you two are aware, I was not always married to your father." Andy began, immediately grabbing their attention. He tried not to smile too much. "I was originally of the Biersack clan, practitioners of dark magicks and such. Why, I remember the day we met as though it were yesterday..."

"You were positively the prettiest sight in the room, my dear." Remington, who had no qualms, grinned wildly. "Your dear uncle Christian and I were supposed to wed, originally. Grandmama saw it fit for myself to finally wed, and convinced Granny Amy, her old friend from youth days, to bring Christian to meet and arrange the marriage. Your maman was brought as well, delicate like wilting petals, soon to be plucked. Immediately, I was smitten!" 

"As you made quite apparent, mon cher." "Oh, Andy, that's French!" Sebastian made a noise of discontent as Remington reached over to kiss up Andy's arm, a passionate sparkle to his eye. Emerson snickered at his brothers' misfortune.

"Quite miserably, your uncle felt absolutely fine about your father, and announced their betrothal to the family. While they flew into hysterics not quite unlike Uncle Ashley's first burning at the stake caused, your father whisked me away to his quarters, so we could get to know each other a little better." Remington hummed as a sort of confirmation, asking with his eyes if he could continue their little tale. The quirk of red lips was all the confirmation he needed.

"Your maman and I were squared away in the study, setting up the trains, something he took to with ease," Remington began, the edges of something nostalgic in his gaze. "And Thing was there, too! He was helping to run the trains, and you know how non-Addams folk react to him, correct?" At their nods, he laughed. "Why, your maman didn't have a problem with him at all. Rather, he even shook Thing's, well, hand!"

"I've always been a might bit stranger than the rest of my family, Remington, you know this." Andy laughed as well. "But yes, he was quite a charmer. Your father loves causing train wrecks almost as much as he loves to build them. I even came up with an idea for one on my own, although he already had his stick of dynamite hooked up to it. The explosion was rather pretty, one he always remembers fondly." Sebastian's eyes glittered with untold plans and promises. Emerson gave a long-suffering sigh when he looked at his older brother.

"That particular day saw me burdened with a particularly nasty case of bronchitis, my sinuses all swelled up. I could hardly breathe, and I was practically on cloud nine the entire time." Remington said, a small smile to his lips. "But when your father spoke French, heavy on the tongue, it cleared my sinuses and cured my bronchitis. It was right then and there, that we realized we were in love."

"We had to seek out the guidance of your Uncle Ashley and your father's cousin, to help break the betrothal. They were of no help. We were absolutely wrought with misery, so much that we resorted to shooting ourselves. Not the most barbaric of ways to go, but it was out of desperation." Andy sighed, Emerson squirming on his lap. "Thing stopped us before the triggers were pulled, snapping us out of our stupor, as he snatched the guns away." 

"What happened afterwards, maman?" Sebastian looked eager to hear the rest, and even though he didn't quite look it, Emerson was intrigued as well, indicated by the sparkle in his eyes.

"The rest is for another night, my hellspawn! You lot need to get to bed, we have a busy day ahead of us!" Remington clapped his hands, and their children began to protest, although occasionally punctuated with jaw-cracking yawns and rubbing at eyes. The husbands glanced at each other with smiles on their lips, standing up to tuck their children in. The remnants of the fire crackling behind them as they moved up the stairs, casting shadows on walls and portraits of family past.

When Sebastian's door was swung shut, said child sound asleep and clutching a new stick of dynamite, Remington swept his husband off his feet, a predatory grin to his lips, stalking down the hall to their room. It creaked shut behind them, heavy on old hinges.

"You looked utterly ravishing, my dear." "Your grin was absolutely wild, something unhinged and feral. Do it again."

The rest of the night carried on with the winds howling and shaking windows, occasionally punctuated by a bloodcurdling scream or snarl and howl of pleasure. Just a normal night for the Kropps, it seems!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha, gay-
> 
> this is based on the two-parter episode "Morticia's Romance" from the original tv series!
> 
> happy new year, and sorry for not updating any sooner.
> 
> enjoy!


	4. How I Met Your Father (Unfortunately, it was not at a funeral), Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The children can't sleep, the night is still young, and they want to hear the rest of the story.
> 
> Their dads can't help but oblige.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's me, back again with the other half.
> 
> I have a day off from school today, so I saw a chance and here we are!

The storm rumbled in the distance, rain on the windows and down the graves. Occasionally, a torrential gust of wind would pass by.

Honestly, how can they expect him to sleep in wonderful weather like this? Emerson rubbed at his eyes as he grabbed for Marie Antoinette, legs swinging off the bed, feet making no sound as he padded across his room to the door, looming heavily. The creaking noise seemingly echoed down the hall as he stepped out, closing with an ominous groan.

Thunder bounced off the portraits in the hall, occasionally punctured by a booming rattle that shook the floorboards under his feet. A little ways to his destination, his brothers bedroom door swung open, smoke pouring out. Sebastian wobbled his way out, coughing out a cloud with a manic grin on his face. Emerson rolled his eyes, punctuating it with a blunt "I can't sleep, and I want to hear the rest of the story of how maman and dad met. Are you coming or not?"

Sebastian gave it a scant moment of thought, before shrugging. "Eh, why not? Lead the way, brother mine." He responded, trailing after his brother, heading for the firemen's pole at the end of the hall. They slid down it silently, tip-toeing their way into the living room.

Andy sat on the couch, an opulent yet aging piece, eyes shut and arm extended as Remington trailed his kisses down, murmuring praise as he went. His nightgown, an always enchanting black, wrapped around his legs and cascaded to the floor. A sigh of delight left his lips, forever red, as Remington moved to sit on the couch as well, a hand around his husbands waist.

"Hello, my darlings." He purred out, startling his children. They looked at each other, quietly sighed, and moved to enter the living room. Remington's eyes lit up at seeing them, and he couldn't stop the smile, even if he tried. "Emerson, Sebastian! Can't sleep?" at their sheepish nods, he laughed and gestured for them to sit. "All good, all good! Shall we continue the story?" Andy couldn't stop his smile if he tried.

Settling into their spots, Andy began the rest. "As I left off, your father and I had been ready to shoot ourselves, before Thing snapped us out of that. When your Uncle Ashley returned for the wedding, with your father suggested seeking out a new husband for Christian, he recommended your fathers' cousin, Jake."

Emerson tilted his head curiously, and Remington responded with a quick "They're the ones who occasionally show up for the family gatherings. They took a stroll in the garden, and got stuck in the quicksand pit. Admittedly, it was quite hilarious, but that's beside the point."

"Your father retreated to his secret underground tunnel, as I came up to the playroom to find him. I heard the sound of Cousin Cody’s cackles and followed them, leading me away from the room and to your father. Your cousin has good taste in caves, I was almost crushed by a stray boulder. It's almost a shame I was pulled away in time." Sebastian's eyes widened, and Emerson gripped his doll tighter.

"Well, if that had happened, we wouldn't be here right now." Remington looked at his husband with utter adoration. "The wedding proceeded, and when the officiator asked, I said I had backed out. While everyone hounded me like I had gone to purgatory and made the good list, Christian shrugged and said he had fallen for Cousin Jake anyways. That had thrown everyone for a loop, leaving us the opportunity to get married ourselves. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, not even the strongest of poisons. That, I would share with you all." Andy stared back, just as lovestruck, while Emerson and Sebastian both radiated satisfaction.

"But wait! I want to know more about Cousin Jake's ways!" "Well, you can ask him the next time he's in for a visit with his husband."

Once again ascending the stairs as the storm raged on outside, they tucked their children in and made their way for their own quarters, skin on skin and various animalistic noises soon following.

0001 Cemetery Lane fell into a pleasant buzz, already so full of history. Soon, more would be made, but all in due time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My UwUs have been snatched.
> 
> A big thank you to everyone who's been enjoying the fic thus far. You guys keep me going!
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr @ babydoll-leith or on discord @ underscorepidge#9758


	5. wine and dine with the dead (leave the spawn at home)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remington and Andy decide to go on a date, leaving the kids with a fairly mundane babysitter for the evening.
> 
> Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back, back again :^)
> 
> I meant to update this earlier but hahahA, having writers block Big Succs.
> 
> Roni suggested a date night between the boys, so this goes out to them!
> 
> Brief appearance by an OC just for this chapter, so no tagging her.

"Why are you and father leaving us at home, maman? Especially with that weird lady in the kitchen."

Jenny couldn't help the nervous shiver as the man in the dress seemingly made from shadows picked up the creepy little child, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Something about them rubbed her the wrong way, but a job was a job, and she needed the money. Let it be known that Jenny Fitzgerald was not a coward.

"It's just for a few hours, my little belladonna. Your father and I have been in need of a date night for a while now, but we just haven't found the time." Andy responded, a small smile painting his lips. "Your grandmama had business to attend to elsewhere, and Jinxx is chauffeuring us tonight. No need to fret or chop your brothers hand off."

Emerson grumbled at that, perking up when Andy put him down and handed him a new doll from somewhere behind his back, (he had a general guess that it was in a place he could not quite access, if ever.) remarking with "A new friend for Marie Antoinette. Perhaps you can perform the execution for the babysitter?"

"What an excellent idea, mon cher!" Remington responded as he descended the stairs, Sebastian in tow. Andy smiled as Remington wrapped an arm around his waist, both fondly watching as Emerson begins chasing Sebastian, wielding a rapier. ("Where did he keep that?" "His petticoat, the little hellion takes after you, my dear.")

JInxx groaned from his spot by the door, a lumpy box in one arm. Remington smiled and nodded, grabbing Andy's spider web shawl and securing it over his shoulders. Andy pecked his husband on the cheek and off they went, the door slamming shut behind them. The hearse creaked and groaned as it pulled away from 0001 Cemetery Lane and headed towards the city. Soon, the house fell silent once again.

Jenny gulped nervously at the wicked grins on both the children's faces. This would not bode well for her at all.  
.  
.  
Oh how wrong she wishes she were, hours later, after waking up strapped to a chair.

Sebastian, dressed in a surprisingly accurate executioners uniform, gleefully raised the guillotine up as Emerson rattled off the supposed charges, a reptilian sort of grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

Jenny had to bite her tongue to stop the whimper that she wanted to let out, even as the blade swung down and sliced the doll's head off in a spectacular shower of red. Some of it even splashed onto her face. Big, fat tears welled up in her eyes as they continued to grin at her menacingly. Tonight was not going well at all!  
.  
.  
Remington lovingly gazed at his husband from his spot across the table, ghastly beauty highlighted by dim flicker of candle.

The tables around them buzzed with chatter and energy, lit by candlelight as well. Skeleton waiters weaved in and around, taking orders and serving dishes and taking them away to be cleaned, to start the cycle all over again.

Andy took a sip from his stemmed glass, (Remington was unsure if he was drinking wine or blood, possibly both?) and let out a satisfied sigh.

Tonight was going pleasantly well, and once they had finished with their dinner, they would take a leisurely walk among the graveyard nearby, making love under the moonlight.

(Meanwhile, back at the house, Jenny was barricaded inside the dining room, watching apprehensively as the food, if it could even be called that, slowly moved across the table, swiftly dodging the clatter of cleaver and fork. Kids, amirite?)  
.  
.  
Emerson pursed his lips when he realized, during their action-packed evening of attempting to gouge each other's eyes and causing mayhem in the attic, that the lady who had been paid to watched them had passed out. Hm, how pathetic.

He huffed and brushed the dirt off his nightgown as he stood, noting derisively as Sebastian poked at her cheek with a scalpel.

Jenny, or was it Jenna?-wasn't waking up, and that wouldn't do. At all.

Maybe she could use a good session of waterboarding? Or the electric chair?

So many choices is what he told his brother, as they worked together to move her back up the stairs. Soon enough, the house was filled with the melodious sounds of screaming, albeit garbled on occasions.  
.  
.  
When the hearse pulls up to the house, Andy and Remington are pleasantly surprised to note that everything is quiet. It seemed like their two children had been put to bed.

As they strode up to the door, the sounds of frantic footsteps grew steadily louder until the offending piece of wood was thrown wide open, revealing a wide-eyed (and thoroughly soaked) Jenny. She looked close to either crying from fear or crying from relief, it's hard to tell.

"Thank-" Andy starts, only to look on with a raised brow as Jenny takes off screaming, running for the main highway and leaving a comically Jenny-shaped dust cloud in wake.

Remington blinks in confusion, but shrugs it off in favor of going inside, the fireplace roaring to life as the door swings shut behind them.

Jinxx groans a goodnight and shuffles towards his quarters, leaving the twosome to climb up the stairs and settle in for the evening.

Andy and Remington pressed kisses to both their children's temples, closing the doors behind them, leaving them to the endless void with the room at the end.

Hands dip under legs as Remington picks his husband up, hands coming to wrap around his neck as lips press together softly.

The last words that penetrate the quiet before the door shuts are as follows:

"Do you suppose those two did a little waterboarding on Miss Fitzgerald?"

"So it seems they did."

"They grow up so fast, don't they, my dear?"

"Slowly shaping up to be little killers in the making, just like their father."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet!
> 
> come chat with me on tumblr (@babydoll-leith) and discord (@underscorepidge#9758)


	6. the strange dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a silly little filler chapter, in which Remington tells his boyfriend about his really weird dream.
> 
> (sanity? idk her)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a little something to tide you all over as I work on future chapters.
> 
> s/o to Remy for encouraging me to do this.
> 
> enjoy!

when Remington rises in the morning, his hair is sticking to his cheeks and a weird dream is on the back of his mind. something gothic and right out of the pages of Emerson's sketchbook.

his feet make no noise as he walks downstairs to the kitchen, Crow rubbing against his ankles when he reaches ground floor.

Andy's head pops out from the walkway, smile on his lips and frying pan in one hand. The smell of eggs tickles the air.

"Good morning, gorgeous," he starts, shuffling back towards the stove. "Did you sleep well?" when Remington nods, he hums in satisfaction, quickly making up two plates for them to eat breakfast. Remington sits himself at the table and they're just quiet for a bit, enjoying each other's presence and the delicious breakfast.

after plates are cleared and they migrate back upstairs to their room, Remington decides to bring up his dream. 

.  
.

"hey, babe?" 

"yeah?" 

"can I tell you about the weird dream I had?"

Andy pauses in the middle of picking out his outfit, before turning to look at his boyfriend. Remington is splayed out on their bed, brow furrowed. he's not usually like this.

"sure, go for it."

Remington launches into the story, hands waving in the air animatedly.

"basically, you and I were Morticia and Gomez??? and my brothers were Wednesday and Pugsley?"

Andy raises an eyebrow, but gestures at him to continue.

"you had on Morticia's dress and everything! Jinxx was Lurch and my mom was Grandmama!"

"we had a date night and left my brothers to a babysitter. the poor thing got waterboarded!"

"waterboarded?"

"old torture technique."

he nods, and watches as Remington finishes his tale, winded only slightly.

"now, while that dream seems wild in execution..."

he reaches over and presses a kiss to his temple, before sweeping up his outfit for the day and heading for the bathroom.

"that sounds like a fantastic halloween group costume idea. we got a busy day ahead of us, so call your brothers and tell them the plan and then hop in the shower with me."

Remington grins and hops up, stealing a kiss from his boyfriend before sweeping out of the room.

God, his boyfriend was such a dork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come talk to me on tumblr (babydoll-leith) or on discord (underscorepidge#9758)


End file.
